Top 20 Behaviours to change and Thrive
Here are 20 common behaviours people often want to change because they limit wellbeing, confidence, relationships, achievement, and quality of life.
| No. | Behaviour people want to change | What it often costs them | Thriving alternative |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Procrastinating | Stress, guilt, lost opportunities | Taking small, timely action |
| 2 | Overthinking | Mental exhaustion, indecision | Clear thinking and trusted decisions |
| 3 | People-pleasing | Resentment, burnout, loss of self | Honest, respectful boundaries |
| 4 | Avoiding difficult conversations | Tension, misunderstanding, unresolved problems | Courageous communication |
| 5 | Saying yes when they mean no | Overload, self-neglect | Choosing with intention |
| 6 | Self-sabotaging | Stopping just before progress happens | Supporting their own success |
| 7 | Seeking constant approval | Low self-trust, anxiety | Internal validation and self-respect |
| 8 | Comparing themselves to others | Inadequacy, envy, discouragement | Measuring progress by personal values |
| 9 | Ignoring their own needs | Depletion, resentment, emotional crash | Healthy self-care and self-responsibility |
| 10 | Reacting emotionally under pressure | Conflict, regret, damaged trust | Pausing, regulating, responding |
| 11 | Avoiding rest | Fatigue, burnout, poor recovery | Treating rest as productive |
| 12 | Trying to control everything | Anxiety, rigidity, tension | Focusing on influence and choice |
| 13 | Putting themselves last | Loss of identity, low energy | Becoming self-full, not selfish |
| 14 | Avoiding change | Feeling stuck, bored, trapped | Taking safe, steady growth steps |
| 15 | Escaping through distractions | Numbness, wasted time, avoidance | Conscious recovery and meaningful action |
| 16 | Negative self-talk | Low confidence, shame, fear | Encouraging inner dialogue |
| 17 | Perfectionism | Delay, pressure, never feeling good enough | Progress, learning, and enoughness |
| 18 | Withdrawing when struggling | Isolation, loneliness, lack of support | Reaching out and staying connected |
| 19 | Blaming themselves too harshly | Shame, helplessness, stuckness | Reflection without self-attack |
| 20 | Living on autopilot | Disconnection from values, purpose, joy | Conscious living by choice |
A Useful Way to Group Them
Most behaviour change falls into four broad areas:
1. Self-protection behaviours
These once helped the person cope, but now keep them stuck.
Examples: avoiding conflict, withdrawing, controlling everything, procrastinating, people-pleasing.
2. Self-pressure behaviours
These come from trying to prove worth, avoid failure, or stay safe.
Examples: perfectionism, overworking, comparing, approval-seeking, harsh self-talk.
3. Self-neglect behaviours
These happen when a person’s needs, energy, health, and values drop down the priority list.
Examples: saying yes too often, avoiding rest, ignoring needs, putting themselves last.
4. Autopilot behaviours
These happen when life becomes reactive rather than intentional.
Examples: scrolling, distracting, repeating old patterns, reacting emotionally, drifting from goals.
In coaching language
A simple way to describe it would be:
People do not usually need to become someone different.
They need to interrupt the behaviours that keep them surviving, and practise the behaviours that help them thrive.
The deeper pattern
Most unwanted behaviours are not random. They are often attempts to meet a need, such as:
- safety
- approval
- control
- belonging
- certainty
- rest
- recognition
- self-worth
- freedom
- purpose
So the coaching question becomes:
“What is this behaviour trying to do for you, and is there a healthier way to meet that need now?”